So you want to be married?

LBOL logo.pngSo I’ve noticed something. A division of sorts.  A trend in the way we, the young-ish women of the church think about men.

Two camps, if you will.

One group influenced by church (from my experience & assumption) and the other–my girlfriends who are sick of all the pressure and stigma of dating in the church.

Just in case that’s ^ confusing…

The first camp:

Does he love Jesus? 

Wait for him to pursue you!

Is he a spiritual leader?

Make sure he has a stable job.

Is he going to be a provider?

He should win you over. 

The list goes on and on…

It basically comes down to this:

Don’t give any part of your physical, emotional or spiritual self to anyone unless they have all of these.  Always “be ready” for him to sweep you off your feet. (*eyeroll*) Make sure you’re “submissive wife material”. (What?! lol, that’s a whole separate post…)

The second camp:

Those ^^ guys don’t exist. 

The guys who check a few of those boxes want to marry me on the third date (?! Son, I don’t even know you…)

Maybe God just wants me to be happy.

It doesn’t matter how strong his faith is. Maybe I can change him. 

Everyone has somebody but me !(lyric cred: Hunter Hayes, obvi)

Aye!


Now, take a chill pill real quick. I’m not taking a hard stance on either of these ideologies–only because I’m complicated and want to make a third. 😉

Is it possible to be a Christian woman, with a desire to be married someday and not believe either of these?

Sure, there are things that I’m looking for in a life partner. Sharing the same faith and values? Definitely. Likes to cook? Great! Lord knows I need help with that. Wants to pursue me? Sure. But am I bringing that impossible checklist to every first date? No way, Jose! That is so not fair. I’m choosing to see the beauty in who you are right now. In the struggles, in the successes, in the waiting.

Here’s where I want to write to my guy friends who want to be married someday.

I apologize for the excessive pressure society and the church has placed on you. You don’t have to be _______ to be a “real man”. I’m especially sorry if words like these have ever come out of my mouth.

You are EXACTLY who God created you to be at this moment. You are EXACTLY where God wants you to be at this moment.

You simply have to do one thing, Abide in Christ–Seek Him, Serve Him, Love others.

But, enough of the fluffy stuff–here’s my challenge to you.

Be honest with your girl friends. Tell us when you’re interested, and when you’re not. Be yourself–in all its nerdy, unique, fun ways! Don’t try to get your life perfect with God or check a bunch of boxes before you pursue us.

(Speaking for myself here, but…) We don’t want the cleaned up version of you. We simply want to join you for the journey.

And, for my lady friends who want to be married someday:

Don’t think that God is holding out on you until you get your life right with Him.

Remember this??

You are EXACTLY who God created you to be at this moment. You are EXACTLY where God wants you to be at this moment.

As long as you’re moving towards Him, that’s a good place to be.

Here’s my challenge to you/us:

Don’t settle for second best. But don’t hold out for the silhouette of the perfect man with all the boxes checked. Pray for God to bring someone into your life who complements you, supports you and who you can invest in.

Oh, and one more thing.

Quit the negative self-talk. A note to myself as much as anyone else. Don’t you ever believe the lies of “You’re not ____ enough.” Pretty, smart, fit, adult-y… you know.

Together, let’s live. Single, dating, young & married, and old & married. I mean, not survive, but truly live! Encourage each other. Learn from the past. Seek wise counsel when you need to. Seek God in prayer. And just be the most authentic version of yourself.

Remember that you are a son or daughter of the one true king! You are loved, valued, respected and worthy. These are the truths to believe in.

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❤ Stephanie

 

 

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5 thoughts on “So you want to be married?

  1. I think that some might not want that guys lead / girls submit dynamic as the foundation of their relationship – they want to be two equals who have each others’ backs and can support one another with their strengths when they’re weak.

    Like

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